Heart of Midlothian

Away up in Gorgie at Tynecastle Park
There's a wee football team that aye makes it's mark
They've won all the honours for footballing arts
And there's nae other team to compare with the Hearts
...
H-E-A-R-T-S
If you cannae spell it then here's what it says
Hearts glorious Hearts
It's down at Tynecastle they bide
The talk of the toun are the boys in Maroon
And Auld Reekie supports them with pride
This is my story this is my song
Follow the Hearts and you can't go wrong
For some say the Celtic and Rangers are grand
but the boys in maroon are the best in the land
...
And national caps we can always supply
like Massey and Walker or Bauld and Mackay
if I had the time I could name dozens more
who have helped in producing the old Hampden roar
...
We've won the league flag and we've won the league cup
Though we sometimes go down we will aye go back up
Our forwards can score and it's NO IDLE TALK
our defence is as strong as the old castle rock


Have you heard of the Heart of Midlothian
Have you seen them in "Marone"
Have you heard of the Heart of Midlothian
they're the greatest team I know.
...
We have played in South Morocco
We have played in the USA
But the greatest game in history
is the game on new years day
...
For it's a home for famous heroes
and their stories have been told
of Alfie Conn and Jimmy Wardhaugh
John Cummings and Willie Bauld
...
And when my life is over
And death has left it's mark
You can scatter all my ashes
on the slopes of Tynecastle Park


Oh when the Hearts, go marching in
Oh when the Hearts, go marching in
I wanna be in that number
Oh when the Hearts, go marching in.


Oh Jaaam Tarts, Jaaam Tarts
I'd walk a million miles
for one of your goals, Oh Jaaam Tarts


And Now, The end is near
We've followed Hearts from Perth to Paisley
We've travelled far, by bus and car
And other times we've went by railway
We've been to Aberdeen
We hate the Hibs, they make us spew up
So make a noise you Gorgie boys
We're going to Europe
To See H - M - F - C
We'll even dig the channel tunnel
When we're afloat on some big boat
We'll tie our scarves around the funnel.
We have no cares, for other players
like Rossi, Boniec, or Tardelli
When we're overseas, the hibs will be in Portobelly
(sung to the Frank Sinatra tune "my way")


We all, can laugh at Hibs
When we play Chelsea, Metz or Inter
They'll travel far, to see Stranraer
and visit Airdrie in the winter
While Hearts, go marching on
and show the Hibs the way to do it,
they lost at Ayr, and we don't care,
we're going to Europe
The days, not far away
when we will reach the heights of glory
We'll follow Hearts through foreign parts
and Gorgie boys will tell the story
How we scored three, at Napoli
took care of Bierhoff and Vierri
when we're overseas, the Hibs will watch us on the telly
(sung to the Frank Sinatra tune "my way")


In Dublins fair City where the girls are so pretty
I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone
As she wheeled her wheelbarrow
Through streets broad and narrow
Singing (clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap JAM TARTS)


Oh I could fly neath the wings of the Jambos as they sing
at three o'clock I'm happy as can be
Cos the good time they are hear
and the hibees nowhere near
so listen up and hear the Jam tarts sing
...
Cheer up Ecky McLeish
Oh what can it be
to a sad hibby bastard
and a shite football team


Hello, Hello we are the Gorgie boys
Hello, Hello you'll know us by our noise
We're up to our knees in hibee blood
Surrender or you'll die
For we are the Gorgie bovver boys


We love you Jam Tarts, oh yes we do
We love you Jam Tarts, oh yes we do
We Love you Jam Tarts we do, Oh Jam Tarts we love you


Hey Jude, don't make it bad, take a sad song and make it better
remember to let her into your heart,
then you can start to make it better... better... better... better...
(Sung to the Beatles tune "Hey Jude")


na na na na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na Jam Tarts
na na na na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na Jam Tarts


Hail Hail, the Hearts are here
all for goals and glory (fuck your jackanory)
Hail Hail the Hearts are here
All for goals and glory now
For it's a grand old team to go to jail for
and it's a grand old team to pay the bail for
and if you know your history,
It's enough to make your heart go no surrender


We don't care what the hibees say
what the hell do we care, for we only know
that there's gonna be a show and the Edinburgh Jam Tarts will be there


Forever and ever, we'll follow the boys
The Edinburgh Jam Tarts, The Gorgie Boys
For we will be mastered, by no hibby bastard
We'll keep the Hearts flag flying high...
...
So bring on the hibs the Celts the Rangers
Bring on the spaniards by the score
Barcelona Real Mardid, WE WILL MAKE A GALLANT BID
For we're out to show the world what we can do


By the light, (clap clap clap clap clap clap)
of the silvery moon (clap clap clap clap clap clap)
We're the talk of the toun (clap clap clap clap clap clap)
We're the boys in maro-o-n


Jim Jefferies... Barmy Army
Jim Jefferies... Barmy Army
Jim Jefferies... Barmy Army
Jim Jefferies... Barmy Army


We are the Jam Tarts my friend
And we'll keep on fighting to the end
We are the Jam Tarts, We are the Jam Tarts
No time for Hibees for we Are the Jam Tarts
(Sung to the Queen song "We are the champions")


We're going to celebrate, we're
going to celebrate
We're going to sell, we're going to celebrate
(Sung to the Mary Hopkin song "Those were the days")


If you're proud to be a Jambo clap your hands
If you're proud to be a Jambo clap your hands
if you're proud to be a Jambo
proud to be a Jambo
proud to be a Jambo clap your hands
(Sung to the song of "She'll be coming round the mountain")


I'm dreaming of a white christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
where the treetops glistened and children listened
to hear sleighbells in the snow... IN THE SNOW


Heart of Midlothian, Fuck off Hibernian
We'll support you evermore
We'll support you evermore
(sung to the tune of "Guide me O thy great Jehovah")


I'm forever blowing bubbles
pretty bubbles in the air
they fly so high, up in the sky
just like the Hibs they fade and die
Celtic's always running, Rangers running too
and so the Hearts supporters we're running after you


Said a bow-legged chicken to a knock kneed hen
I haven't been so happy since I don't know when
I walk with a wiggle and I wiggle when I walk
we are the Gorgie boot boys
with a na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na,
na na na na na na na - we are the Gorgie boot boys


His name is Drew Busby the talk of the north
He comes from Tynecastle just over the forth
He drinks all your whisky and Newcastle Brown
the Gorgie Boys are in town - na na na na na na na na na
na na na na, na na na na na na na na na na na
na na na na na na na na na na - the Gorgie boys are in town
(Sung to the tune "It's just one of those songs")


Lock all your windows and bolt all your doors
hide all your daughters and lie on the floors
Stash all your whisky and Newcastle Brown
the Gorgie Boys are in town - na na na na na na na na na
na na na na, na na na na na na na na na na na
na na na na na na na na na na - the Gorgie boys are in town.
(Sung to the tune "It's just one of those songs")


Robbo Robbo Robbo Robbo Robbo Robbo Robertson
John Robertson, John Robertso... o... n
(Sung to the Culture Club song "Karma Chameleon")


The northern lights of old Aberdeen
mean sweet fuck all to me
The northern lights of Aberdeen
mean sweet fuck all to me


I've been a Hearts fan all of my life
And many a sight i've seen
but the northern lights of Aberdeen
mean sweet fuck all to me!


Show them the way to go home
They're tired and they want to go to bed
For they're only half a football team
and the other half is dead


Glory Glory Glory, listen to the band
we're the Embra Jam Tarts , best team in the land
(To the tune of a Blue Mink song)


What's it like to follow shite, what's it like to
what's it like to, what's it like to follow shite?


Can you hear the Hearts fans sing - yo yo
Can you hear the Hearts fans sing - yo yo
can you hear the Hearts fans sing
You're gonna get your heads kicked in yo yo yo!


Can you hear the hibs fans sing - no no
Can you hear the hibs fans sing - no no
Can you hear the Hibs fans sing
I can't hear a fucking thing - yo yo yo


Oh it's all gone quiet over there
Oh it's all gone quiet over there
Oh it's all gone quiet, all gone quiet,
all gone quiet over there


Can you sing a wee bit louder over there
Can you sing a wee bit louder over there
Can you sing a wee bit louder, sing a wee bit louder
sing a wee bit louder over there - if you can - CAN YOU FUCk!
(Sung to the tune of "Polly Wolly Doodle")


Wherever we go (wherever we go)
people wanna know (people wanna know)
Who we are (who we are), shall we tell 'em (shall we tell 'em)
We are the Hearts we are the Hearts we are we are we are the Hearts


Eee I ee i ee I o, off to the football we will go
When we win promotion, this is what we'll sing
Knees up knees up, got to get a breeze up, Robertson is king


Oh my what a rotten song, what a rotten song, what a rotten song
Oh my what a rotten song, what a rotten singer too!


We will follow Jam Tarts over land and sea
we will follow Jam Tarts onto victory... 2, 3, 4


Jam Tarts Jam Tarts give us a wave, give us a wave, give us a wave
Jam Tarts Jam Tarts give us a wave, give us a wave,


Gorgie wave, Gorgie wave Gorgie wave,
Gorgie wave, Gorgie wave, Gorgie wave


You're not very good, you're not very good
You're not very, you're not very
You're not very good


His name is Gary Wales and he's the leader of the team
the greatest centre forward the world has ever seen
he's always in the centre he's always scoring goals and as
for Kenny Miller you can stick him up your holes


Ni... E... Mi He told me,
Yogi Hughes has got VD
With a nick nack paddy wack give a dog a bone
Send those hibee bastards home
...
Up in Leith, I told Keith
Frank Sauzee has got no teeth
With a nick nack paddy wack give a dog a bone
Send those hibee bastards home


A row, A row, Oh it's 98 years in a row
A row, a row, oh it's 98 years in a row
Oh they've won the league cup
And we don't give a fuck
Cos it's 98 years in a row


A row, A row, Oh it's 98 years in a row
A row, a row, oh it's 98 years in a row
Oh their cupboards are bare
there's no silverware
Oh it's 98 years in a row


Jingle bells Jingle Bells Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to fuck the Hibs on New Years day


Cheer up Jim Duffy, Oh what can it be
to a sad Hibee bastard,and a shite football team


Send the hibees to Vietnam, Hallelujah
Send the hibees to Vietnam, Hallelujah
Peter Cormack's a fucking poof, Hallelujah
Peter Cormack's a fucking poof, Hallelujah
(Sung to the tune of "Michael row the boat")


Send the hibees to Bosnia, Hallelujah
Send the hibees to Bosnia, Hallelujah
Yogi Hughes is a fucking poof, Hallelujah
Yogi Hughes is a fucking poof, Hallelujah
(Sung to the tune of "Michael row the boat")


I never felt more like sinking the booze
When Robbo scores and the Hibees lose
Oh Robbo, you've got me sinking the booze
(Sung to the tune of "Singing the blues")


In your easter road slums
In your easter road slums
you rake in the buckets for something to eat
you find a dead rat and you think its a treat
in your easter road slums


You're going down, you're going down, you're going
Hibs are going down, they're going down
(Sung to the tune of "three lions")


Ten fucking hibees sitting on the wall
Ten fucking hibees sitting on the wall
Ten fucking hibees sitting on the wall
And if one fucking hibee should actually fall
There'll be nine fucking hibbys sitting on the wall
(Sung to the tune "ten green bottles")


Happy New Year, Happy New Year, Hello, Hello
Happy New Year, Happy New Year, Hello, Hello
(Sung to the tune of "Good to be back" by Gary Glitter)


If you hate the fucking Hibees clap your hands
If you hate the fucking Hibees clap your hands
If you hate the fucking Hibees hate the fucking Hibees
hate the fucking hibees clap you hands


Stand up if you hate Hibees, Stand up if you hate Hibees
Stand up if you hate Hibees, Stand up if you hate Hibees
(Sung to the tune of "Go West" by Pet Shop Boys)


Away, we fucking hate Hibees, Away we fucking hate Hibees
Away, we fucking hate Hibees, Away we fucking hate Hibees


If I had the wings of a sparrow
and the dirty backside of a crow
I'd fly over Easter Road tomorrow
and shite on the bastards below, below
shite on, shite on, shite on the bastards below
(Sung to the tune of "My bonnie is over the ocean")


We had joy we had fun we had hibees on the run
but the fun didn't last cos the bastards ran too fast
...
We threw sticks we threw stones, we broke all the bastards bones
but the fun didn't last 'cos the bastards ran too fast
(Sung to the tune of "Seasons in the sun" by Terry Jacks)


Eddie Turnbull had a farm E I E I O
Eddie Turnbull had a farm E I E I O
And on that farm he had some pigs E I E I O
Stanton here, Schaedler there , hibby bastards everywhere


Agadoo do do, Hibees one the Jam Tarts two
Agadoo do do, Hibees one the Jam Tarts two


Oh I love to go a wandering, along the cliffs of dover
And if I see hibee there, I'll push the bastard over


Glory Glory what a hell of a way to die
Glory Glory what a hell of a way to die
Glory Glory what a hell of a way to die
To die a hibee bastard


H...I...B - E....R...N - I...A...N
the muppet men, na na na na na na na na na
(Sung to the tune of "this old man")

My old, he told me, Paddy Stantons got VD
with a nick nack paddy wack, give a dog a bone
send these hibee bastards home


Relegation to the hibees, relegation to the hibees
relegation to the hibees, as the Hearts go marching on on on


We all know you're going down (Talkin 'bout your relegation)
It's the best thing to happen in town (talkin 'bout your relegation)
It's great to say goodbye and no'one here is going to cry
talking 'bout your relegation
your relegation, your relegation, yeah!
(Sung to the Who tune of "My Generation")


Easter Road... compost corner
Easter Road... compost corner


Green and white shite, green and white shite.... hello hello


Can you hear the Hearts fans sing, the hibees ran away
And Alex Miller and his muppet men got fucked on New Years Day


No more hibees anymore, we fuck the bastards by the score
Whatever happened to all the hibees...?


Glasgow Rangers, Glasgow Rangers
you're not fit to wear the sash
you're not fit to wear the sash


More tims than Celtic, oh you've got more Tims than Celtic
More tims than Celtic, oh you've got more Tims than Celtic


No Soap in Glasgow, oh there is no soap in Glasgow
No Soap in Glasgow, oh there is no soap in Glasgow


Sing in your chapels, you only sing in your chapels
sing in your chapels, you only sing in your chapels


Look at that sad, Shower of bigots from Glasgow
That only sing about Ireland
(To the tune "The Fields of Athenry")


We don't need a pope or a queen to sing about our footballing team
Only Celtic and Rangers are that sad


There'll be no huns/tims in Europe
Oh there'll be no huns/tims in Europe


Dirty English bastards
Dirty English bastards


Hello Hello, how do you do?
we hate the boys in royal blue
we hate the orange and the green
so stuff the pope and stuff the queen


The hills are alive with the sound of... John Greigs' a bastard


Jail jail jail your Mo, Jail jail jail your mo
Jail jail jail your Mo, Jail your Maurice Johnston
(to the "Skip to my loo" tune)


Said Bertie Mee to Bill Shankly
Have you heard of the North Bank Highbury
Shanks says no, I don't think so
but I've heard of the Gorgie Boot boys
(optional) : with a na na na na na na na
na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na
We are the Gorgie boot boys


Said Bertie Mee to Bill Shankly
Have you heard of Michele Platini
Shanks says no, I don't think so
but I've heard of the youg boy Robbo
(optional) : with a na na na na na na na
na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na
We are the Gorgie boot boys


If you go down to the woods today
you're sure of a big surprise
if you go down to the woods today
you'll never believe your eyes
For Jeremy the sugarpuff bear
is putting on braces and cropped his hair
and now he's off to join the Gorgie boot boys


Hit him on the head, hit him on the head
Hit him on the head with a baseball bat - oh yeah, oh yeah
(Sung to the tune of " Gin Gan Goolie")


When Eammon was young, his ma said to he
When you grow up son, what you gonna be?
Are you gonna play for Hibees and stay as you are
Are you gonna play for Jam Tarts and be a superstar
singing na na na na na na na na na, na na na
(Sung to the Cozy Powell song "Na Na Na")


We're the best behaved supporters in the land
We're the best behaved supporters in the land
We're the best behaved supporters, best behaved supporters
Best behaved supporters in the land (when we win)
...
We're a right shower of bastards when we lose (or draw)
We're a right shower of bastards when we lose (or draw)
We're a right shower of bastards, right shower of bastards
right shower of bastards when we lose (or draw).
(Sung to the tune "She'll be coming round the mountain")


Gorgie Boys we are here, yoooh yoooh
Gorgie Boys we are here, yoooh yoooh
Gorgie boys we are here
Shag your women and drink your beer yoooooooh


When Jimmy goes up to lift the cup, hurrah hurrah
When Jimmy goes up to lift the cup, hurrah
When Jimmy goes up to lift the cup,
We'll all be there and we'll sing like fuck
with a na na na na na na na na na na.
(Sung to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home")


Six feet two, eyes of blue
Big Don Murrays after you


Oh John Colquhoun, Oh John Colquhoun
Oh you can hear the Hearts fans sing
With big Sandy in the middle, and wee John to knock them in


Kruschev came to Britain, second time he'd been
He met Sir Winston Churchill, he even met the queen
And when his time was over and when his flight was called
He said I cannae go now 'cos I've not met Willie Bauld
(Sung to the Lonnie Donnegan song "My old mans a dustman")


Oh my old man's a Hearts fan, he wears a Hearts fans hat
He hates the fucking hibees, now what do you think of that?


What do you get when you drink the wine
a ten pound fine and a years probation
a kicking from the pigs in the polis station
Oooh, I'll never drink the wine again
(Sung to the Bobbie Gentry song "I'll never fall in love again")


Ay ay ay ay
Cruikshank is better then Yashin
Ernie is better than Eusebio
And the hibees are in for a bashing


There's only one United
and that's a fucking biscuit


There is a team in Scotland, their colours are marone
they've got the finest centre the world has ever known
you talk about your Reilly's your Ormonds and them all
but you want to hear the crowd roar when King Willie gets the ball


Crown Willie Bauld the king of Scotland
Crown Willie Bauld the king of Scotland
Crown Willie Bauld the king of Scotland (and Gordon Smith the queen)


We've got Bobby Bobby Bobby Bobby Prentice on the wing, on the wing
Bobby, Oh Bobby Prentice, Oh Bobby Prentice on the wing.


Go Bobby go Bobby go Bobby go Bobby Go go go...


We all agree, Eamon Bannon is magic


Did you come to Tynecastle, did you fuck?
Did you come to Tynecastle, did you fuck?
Did you come to Tynecastle,
come to Tynecastle,
come to Tynecastle - did you fuck... shiters!


So fucking easy,
oh this is so fucking easy,
so fucking easy,
oh this is so fucking easy.


We're going up. you're going down,
we're gonna wreck your fucking town
We're going to rape, we're going to pillage,
we're gonna wreck your fucking village


We'll see you all outside,
we'll see you all outside,
We'll see you all,
we'll see you all outside


He's gay he's bent, his arse is up for rent
Mickey Weir, Mickey Weir


Joe's a queer, so's Mickey Weir
And Roughie likes a Caughey up his bum.
(Sung to the tune of "Do Ray Me")


Sheep shagging bastards, you're only sheep shagging bastards


We'll be back to get you,
we'll be back to get you


As I was slowly walking by
Tynecastle Park one day
I stopped just for a moment to
see the Jam Tarts play
Alone a man was standing I
stopped and asked him why
He said we are the Gorgie boys
surrender or you'll die


He's only a poor little hibby
His shirt was all tattered and torn
He started to sing, so I filled the twat in
And now he don't sing anymore.
(Sung to the tune of the "Sparrow Song")


Who's that man with the helmet on Dixon, Dixon
Who's that man with the helmet on, Dixon of Dock Green.
On the beat all day, On the wife all night
Who's that man with the helmet on, Dixon of Dock green?


Walk on, with hope in your Hearts, and you'll never walk alone
you'll never walk alone, walk on, walk on


I was born under a union Jack, I was born under a union jack
do you know where hell is, hell is easter road
heaven is Tynecastle where the hibees shat their load.
...
We're going to Ibrox to have sone fun
when they see us they're sure to run
chase them round the terracing
we are the Gorgie boot boys
...
Who's your father, who's your father
who's your father referee
you havnae got one, havnae got one
you're a bastard referee
Sung to the tune of Lee Marvin


Following a newspaper report that hibs were setting up a gay fans web-site,
the Hearts fans went a little over the top at the next derby match.
Here's some of the songs they sung that day:


Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
Hearts are heterosexual and the hibs are fucking gay


It's magic, you know, hibees and females don't go


Send your females over here, send your females over here

They've won the league cup and we don't give a fuck
cos it's 98 queers in a row


He's gay, he's bent, his legs are heaven sent
Kenny Miller, Kenny Miller


Stand up if you like pussy


We have no cares for fucking queers
(Last line of the European song)


No poofs in Gorgie, oh there are no poofs in Gorgie


hibs are gay, hibs are gay, hibs are gay
hibs are gay, hibs are gay, hibs are gay


Cheer up ginger whinger oh what can it be
to a sad hibby bastard and a gay football team


Cheer up Ginger Tosser
oh what can it mean
to a sad hibby bastard
and some queer football queens (lisp the 'S')


gay gay Frank Sauzee
gay gay Frank Sauzee
gay gay Frank Sauzee he is very...
(repeat continuously until he loses the plot)


Just a perfect day, bovril at Tynecastle Park
and then later when it gets dark
Mickey scores ...
Just a perfect day
Put Celtic fans in the zoo
And later goal number two - and then home
...
Oh it's such a perfect day, I'm so glad I support you
Oh such a perfect day
You just keep me hanging on
You just keep me hanging on
...
Just a perfect day
Problems are left alone
Hibs are down on their own
It's such fun!!!
...
Just a perfect day
You made me forget myself
I thought I was someone else - we'd scored two
...
Oh it's such a perfect day, I'm so glad I support you
Oh such a perfect day
You just keep me hanging on
You just keep me hanging on
(Sung to the tune of "Perfect Day")


Gilles Rousset is in our goal, Lockie wears the captains band
Neil Pointon Shagged Dahi Bear, Weir's the best man in the land
Salvatori runs the show, Ritchie never lets them go
McCann is bearing down on goal, and Fulton's Baggio-o-o-o
...
Stephane Adams number nine, Camerons play is always fine
Thomas Flogel's Austrian, Hammy scores goals all the time
Robertsons the ace of Hearts, Jose's tearing them apart
McManus never gets a start, And Fulton's Baggio-o-o-o
(To the tune "Do a Deer")


At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking hibs were gonna beat my famous Jambo side
But then I spent so many hours
drinking lager in a pub
And then I new
Hearts were the greatest football club
Go on now go
Go Jambos go
put the ball into the net and tell the hibbys where to go
They couldn't beat us if they played the game all night
That's 'cos hibs are dirty, rotten, smelly frist division SHITE
(To the tune of"I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor)


The Scots were always bramley led
As history books have shown
But yet another king is dead
Who didn't have a throne
...
No man i know had bigger heart
Nor Hearts a braver man
He gave his all from whistles start
Exciting wherever he ran
...
For the game he had a burning love
Yet even though he's gone
The football history books will show
His name will linger on
...
The thought that from his life he's free
Leaves the heart so cold, so chilly
But to older fans he'll always be
Tynecastle's own King Willie.